I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
