I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
