like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
