Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
