dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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