If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
