Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
