he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
