it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
