Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
