you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
