I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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