it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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