we have pet lesbian snakes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
