my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there was a trapeze. enough said
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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