He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm too high and old for this...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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