i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
