I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
