I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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