I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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