Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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