yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
