what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
