Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
