Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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