my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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