I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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