Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
