I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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