Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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