Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
