An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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