arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
