I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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