Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
