first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
