hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
