Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
