Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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