i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
