he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize