Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
