i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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