My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
