A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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