garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
