I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ok first of all what the fuck
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
