I want to stick my p in your. b.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
