Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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