we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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