then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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