i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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