Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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