I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
