Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
