If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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