This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
