Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
