he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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