who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize