considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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