So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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