so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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