Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
