I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
