Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
