I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
