I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize