Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
