I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
