I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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