I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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