just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
