Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
