That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
