chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
