I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
