and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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