no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
